A relationship technique

Relationships Tagged with: ,
May 292010

One of the session that I went to at Sex 2.0 was Kaye Porter “Off Road” Relationships. If you are ever able to see one of her workshops, I would recommend to go check it out. I got a lot out of the session and gave me things to think about in regards to my current relationships and future ones.

Trashcan by Benuski

One thing I found extremely relevant in my life is a concept she calls, hold the trash. The basic idea is to pretend you are holding a bag of trash and allow the person to get everything out without cutting in, offering advice or trying to help them at this point. All you need to do is simply ask them, “Is there anything else.” Depending on who you are doing it with, you can ask clarifying questions but you simply let the person unload.

There is a difference between using the above technique and unloading and seeking advice after. You should be specific about which one you need. Personally, I think this is a great technique. Sometimes I just need to unload, get it out and then I’m able to relax and continue on.

One example is when it comes to my day job, I typically don’t need advice from those outside of work. I like my day job but it can sometimes become too much depending on what the day has in store and what I have to see.  Before I went to the session, a co-worker and I used a similar technique to unload the stressful things that happen. It was perfect to be reminded of this and having it presented in a new light.

It would be great to be able to do this more, on both ends, to people that I’m close to in my life. I think it’s a great technique and allows people to unload when needed.

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Sex 2.0 Seattle

Blogging/Bloggers, Defining moments, Events Tagged with: ,
May 282010

I wrote this on the train but only got around to posting this now after adding links. I’ve been a busy girl but enjoy the post. It was a wonderful weekend.


I’m sitting on a slow train heading back to Vancouver. I was down in Seattle for the weekend attending Sex 2.0. Numerous sessions were held, new thoughts, discussions and ideas were formed. I’ll be writing about other aspects of it but right now by brain is done so I’m moving onto some social aspects and naming the sessions I went to.

After taking the train down early on Friday. K was sweet to pick me up from the train station and we went back to his and S new place. It was nice hanging out with them as it’s been way to long since I’ve seen them. We hung out and I learned more about Leather Reign which is happening in November (I’ll be posting more about it). After hanging out, catching up and grabbing some food, it was time to head back to the hotel to register and begin the night at Sex 2.0.

There were dual events going on but after showering I checked out  the hospitality suite which was playing CineKink shorts and had a selection of treats. I watched a couple of them including a video about these massive balloons that are blown up and people put themselves in them halfway or fully. It was interesting to watch and I might want to try it if I got the opportunity but I wouldn’t be seeking it out. After getting my fill of shorts, I decided it was time to go change and head down to the pool party. I was pleasantly surprised that the pool was clothing optional. I dislike swimming with a swim suit (thank god for Wreck Beach) as swimming naked is so freeing. After stripping down, I went into the pool and got to know some fun people, flirted, talked and swam. Plus, what’s better then swimming naked. I headed back up to shower and my roommate for the weekend, Graydancer, came in and we checked out the hospitality suite with brownies and Crash Pad playing before crashing. He was a great roomate to have, perfect with nudity, fun and a pleasure to talk with.

The morning came early with sessions, I attended such as New Sex Educators by Ducky DooLittle and Off-Road Relationships:Expanding Beyond a Picket Fence by Kay Porter which were informative and gave me lots to think about.  Lunch was a great cafe with Grace from Monopolyblog and Holden who host Hawtsome podcast, check out both of their sites. It was wonderful to meet them and to get to know them. There were lots of people who I met during the day, during sessions and on breaks including Inara de Luna, Julian Arancia, Veiled Venus, Betty Martin from Sacred Eros, Nick, Allena and many other.

After lunch, I attended,  Out: The Challenges and Rewards of Being Sex Positive to Your Family, Friends, Job and Culture by Graydancer which has relevance as I am trying to come out in more parts of my life where I can. The next session was The Need For “Peermanship” In Meat-Time: Flying Your Freak Flag At Conferences, Why It’s Important to Hit On Your Peers, and How To Handle Your Conference Crushes… by Reid Mihalko which was interesting and funny. After the session, I found Scarlet Lotus who I really wanted to hang out with since I found out I was going. As we were trying to find a place to eat, we ended up running into a bunch of people from the conference and grabbed some Thai. Delicious food and great company.

In the evening there wasn’t anything officially planned with the conference but I knew that I wanted to go to the CSPC for their pansexual play party, The Edge. Others wanted to as well which turned out great. After checking out the space and familiarize myself with the rules, Gray and I negotiated a wrestling/fighting scene we talked about earlier that day. It was a fun scene but boy, he is really strong. I couldn’t even really pin him down but it was fun being able to punch, fight and get thrown around. The after scene experience was mind blowing and I’m not sure if I’m able to use her name and details, however all of us ended up staying till closing having a memorial time.

Sunday morning came too early after a late night last night, the first session was The Whore Madonna Complex in Contemporary Society with Veronica Monet and then Making Money as a Sex Educator with Ducky DooLittle, Graydancer, and Inara de Luna which provided lots of information and things to think about. Yes, No, and Consent by Sinclair Sexsmith was also well worth attending including an exercise about saying no. Later there were closing remarks, draws for raffle item, and a recap of the day.

My body was pleasantly sore from the previous night, including a sore pelvis bone and bruises that were starting to form. I went back up to the room and Gray mentioned that Maymaym was organizing people to go see Iron Man 2. It was a perfect way to take a break and simply relax and enjoy a movie. You meet so many people, new ideas, experiences, things to try that at the end of it, it’s nice to take time to do something where your mind and body can relax. I’ve added it to my list of things to do after a Con and now will suggest it to others as it really helps. Thanks Gray for the suggestion, it really helped me and helped the post con crash.

After the movie, a much needed hot bath was had and dinner. After taking some downtime I went to the Sex 2.0 afterparty at the CSPC. I got there late but it was a nice way to end the conference, hang out and talk about the weekend..

Monday I said goodbye to my roommate, went back to bed and ran into Essin’ Em at breakfast before meeting up with K and S, going out for lunch and hanging out with them before catching the train.

It was a great time at Sex 2.0 and this is only a brief post about the weekend. I know I’m forgetting some other great people that I ran into but I could write a short novel on the weekend. The weekend inspired me to start trying new things, pursuing opportunities but the best part of the weekend was the personal connections with people I knew or just met and the new ideas to pursue. Potential play dates when I come to Seattle next, thoughts to explore and planning a special event for Vancouver is only the beginning.

Here are some other posts that I could find about Sex 2.0 (I’m sure I’m missing some):

Sex 2.0 Update by Scarlet Lotus

Kink on Tap 42: Sex 2.0 by Maymay and Emma

Ropecast 5-27-10: Cream and Sex 2.0 by Graydancer

Sex 2.0: Strengthening my Web by Grace

Castle Megastore videos from some of the sessions at Sex 2.0

Let me know if I missed any.

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Sex 2.0 Seattle – May 22-23 2010

BDSM Tagged with:
May 142010

Who’s going to Sex 2.0? I’ll be there and I’m looking forward to meeting new people, enjoying the conference and having fun. Let me know if you are going. The press release is below.

SEATTLE – Sex 2.0 celebrates its third year May 22-23, 2010, in Seattle, Washington, at the Quality Inn. For the first time, the conference is heading to the West Coast and expanding across an entire weekend, attracting local and national influencers, entrepreneurs and enthusiasts who are defining the future of sex and technology.

Sex 2.0 focuses on the intersection of social media, feminism, and sexuality. How is social media enabling people to learn, grow, and connect sexually? How is sexual expression tied to social activism? Does the concept of transparency online offer new opportunities or present new roadblocks — or both? These questions, and many more, are addressed within a safe, welcoming, sex positive space.

Topics this year include building your sex positive presence online, using the internet to connect with people as a sex coach or educator, participatory community organizing for social and sexual freedom, the new sex educators, with panels on new media, sex work, and more.

Featuring certified sexologist and author, Veronica Monet, as the keynote speaker and a discussion leader.  Other session leaders include educator, writer, and founder of Cuddle Parties, Reid Mihalko; executive director of the Center and Foundation for Sex Positive Culture, Allena Gabosch; rope bondage podcaster, author and activist, Graydancer; president of Love U Parties, author, sex educator and activist, Ducky Doolittle; author, high priestess, and founder of Temple of the Red Lotus, Inara de Luna; and many more.

The conference welcomes all sex positive individuals 18+, the GLBTQ, poly, kinky, sex workers, podcasters, eroticists, activists and more. At Sex 2.0, everyone is a participant, rather than a passive attendee, joining conversations rather than listening to presentations. Respecting the confidentiality and protecting the identities of participants who wish to maintain a degree of anonymity is a top priority at Sex 2.0.

Profits will go to the Northwest chapter of the Sex Workers Outreach Project, which is dedicated to the fundamental human rights of sex workers and their communities, focusing on ending violence and stigma through education and advocacy, and to the event producer, the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture.

Advance registration is mandatory, given the relatively sensitive nature of this event. Registration is open and tickets are $50 until May 19 or tickets sell out.

The conference is being held at the Quality Inn at 618 John St., in the heart of Seattle beside the famous Space Needle and Seattle Center.  It officially runs from 9 a.m. Saturday to 4 p.m. Sunday, with parties on Friday and Sunday.

Learn more about the event and register at www.sex20con.com, or contact Clea Hersperger at sex2.0@sexpositiveculture.org for more information.

Sex 2.0 is being produced and sponsored by Seattle’s Foundation for Sex Positive Culture, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that promotes the many ways sex is beneficial through education, outreach, the arts, advocacy, and research programs that serve the public.   For more information, please visit www.foundationforsexpositiveculture.org.

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