Something interesting happened today in a play date with PG. I felt like I had to express it. I think blogging about the rocky and not always the memorizing is what helps me really grow and understand myself better.
We had a bit of a rocky start in our scene today. It was something that I really wanted to try but when it came to acting it out, it didn’t work. I wanted to act out a scene where I was kidnapped, pre-bound before he arrived. The story behind it was, I was kidnap by his men and kept in this room for his use. The whipping and beating portion went well, there was a bit of a disconnect as I started to get in the role where he was really my kidnapper and was trying to break me. A bit afterwards, I had marks on my ass and eventually gave in to obeying. The scene turned sexual and that’s where I had trouble. In my mind, this wasn’t PG who was doing this to me. I got so involved in this role play, that to me, it was a stranger. Once things started, I had to time out as I started to cry as it felt like I was being forced to do something against my will (I wasn’t but in my mind it felt like that) It felt like this man was forcing me to do this and I couldn’t deal with it. I knew it was PG but at the same time it wasn’t. We tried to continue upon my assistance but I had to time out again and that’s when I asked that we stop the scene. He was already thinking the same thing but was trying to comfort me at that time.
Once we got back to ourselves and spent some time cuddling and talking, I was back to myself and we spend the afternoon having a loving beating and some tension release.
It’s amazing at where our mind can take us, I love the journey of role playing (the majority of the time) but it’s nice being able to get back to where you need to be, when necessary. As hot as the fantasy of being used sexually by a stranger is, it’s not for me and even role playing that can be frightening when you go too deep.
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