The UN of Kink

By PG

One of the many cool things about kink is getting to connect with people you might not otherwise meet. Over the years, I’ve learnt brat play from bull dykes, and taught nipple play to gay leathermen. Not bad for a het male Top. I’ve talked at length to people transitioning from male to female, and to folks going the other way on that street. It’s made me realize just how many of our concepts about what it is to be a man or woman are unexamined social constructs having more to do with behaviour than biology.

I visualize these connections as a Venn diagram – each of the orientations has its own circle, but those circles overlap in our shared interests of rubber, leather, bondage, and/or D/s.

Two examples come to mind:

In one instance, I was approached by a female sub at a play party, with a request to give me boot service. I knew this woman to be exclusively gay. Of her own volition, she would never have chosen to be submissive to a man. Making her do so was in fact a test of her submission to her female Top. So I was being used. But I was good with that, since I knew the Top involved (and because, unbeknownst to her sub, the Top had negotiated sending her sub over with me beforehand). Call it Top-to-Top courtesy. As the sub was shining my boots, my eyes met those of the female Top across the room, and we shared a smile. It was an understanding across genders and orientations I don’t think could have happened any other way.

On another occasion, a bi female sub I’d played with before had set up her dream scene, with me and a dyke she was dating tag-team topping her. This other woman was not your slanderously stereotyped man-hating lesbian. But it would be fair to say she was not at ease around most men. The scene started off slowly, both of us Tops tentative as we took each other’s measure. But it warmed up as the bottom, facing downward and oblivious to the initial tension between the Tops, began gasping and arching in response to our attentions. And then suddenly, like a wall shattering, the barrier was gone. We grinned at one another, knowing we were working well as a team, her at the bottom’s head, tormenting her breasts, me at the other end, reddening her ass. The bottom’s body formed a bridge between us, connecting the three of us. It was all I could do not to break out into a chorus of “We are the world…”