Posting by PG:
Het or bi female bottoms face a challenge: they’re looking for men to do nasty things to them, but men who are fundamentally nice guys, men who wouldn’t deliberately damage their partners either in body or in mind.
Over the years, I’ve been approached by more than one aspiring male top wrestling with the flip side of this issue: they’re basically nice guys, who love and respect woman. So they’re deeply conflicted about the fact they’re drawn to do sick and twisted things to females. These guys are looking for ways to assure themselves they’re not true misogynists.
As with many matters of the human heart, there aren’t any quick, binary, pass-fail tests to determine who’s a healthy pervert and who’s really sick. But there are some good guidelines. I’d say that even being concerned enough to examine one’s own motives is a good sign – the question of whether they were being moral wouldn’t even matter to true creeps.
Another good indicator is what emotions are really at play in a scene. For me, when a scene’s going really well, and I’m “in the zone,” I’m exercising a joyous sadism: I’m actually very happy. I can be genuinely aggressive, but any anger I exhibit is role-played as part of takedowns or “forced” sex. If I’m truly angry or frustrated with someone, I don’t want to play with her until those issues are worked out.
Likewise, any contempt I display in a scene is simulated. Really, why would I want to be involved with someone I truly despised? I play with lots of people, sometimes with women I’ve just been introduced to in meet-and-beat pick-ups at public events. So I certainly won’t claim to full-on love everyone I play with. But I do have to have some connection at some level with them — even if it’s just mutual lust. The way I sometimes shorthand this is “I don’t like so-and-so enough to hit her.” This gets a few laughs from people experienced in the scene. These are knowing laughs, of the “it’s funny because it’s true” sort. And it is true that doing sick, twisted things is good with someone you don’t actively dislike. And better with someone you like. And best with someone you love.
[...] Random Feed wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptPosting by PG: Het or bi female bottoms face a challenge: they’re looking for men to do nasty things to them, but men who are fundamentally nice guys, men who wouldn’t deliberately damage their partners either in body or in mind. Over the years, I’ve been approached by more than one aspiring male top wrestling with the flip side of this issue: they’re basically nice guys, who love and respect woman. So they’re deeply conflicted about the fact they’re drawn to do sick and twisted things to fe [...]